Friday. 9.29.06 1:43 pm
yup thats me.....im a hater......i hate fake people...... heres the story....... :
two years ago i went to an internship type thing that was based out of a church in vallejo california.... entitled bay area masters commission.... i thought because it was so highly church involved that it couldn't hurt. (and i also wanted something that would level my ass out cause in high school i was one wild female...[read some past blogs.....like the shower one.....]) well as life would have it i went throught the first year...... barely learned anything and then went back for a second year..... during my second year i felt like i had to defend myself to my current best friend (of whom i shared my room with and i met my second year....her first) I know what your thinking.....you only met her a year ago and she is your best friend..... and my response..... spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week for a full year with one person and see how close you get to them..... back to the story..... so i felt i had to defend myself because of the things that they were telling her about me.....all of which were rumors or ideas of rumors (i.e. "you'd better be careful around stephanie cause her and trin were friends last year and trin is the one that took a fall and got kicked out.") yes that was actually said about me.... so the whole year we went through crap like that and our friendship still made it..... well. when she had decided to go back for a second year i expected nothing less. I knew that the same people....(the leadership).... was going to try to break our friendship apart..... the only worry i had was that i was no longer right there to defend myself.....well when she got kicked out..... for the stupidest reason in the entire world i might add....she told me that they were straight up telling her that i was holding her back and she needed to let our friendship go..... well she didnt but here is the problem i have..... there is another friend i have in there that i have been friends with since freshman year in highschool and these people are telling her the same thing........ Oh but when i went down there to visit her and my best friend (before she got kicked out) they were all hugs and smiles to my face asking me how i was doing....... i just feel my blood start to boil when i think about....... i think the worst part is that these people are "christians" not really cause if they were they wouldnt be trying to screw my life up....... well fuck you...... fuck your intentions, and fuck your words........ your just jealous cause i got shit together in my life and next year ill be making three times what your making oh and i have boys interested in me and oh yeah........ i can go out and drink without losing the relationship i have with God and still stay true to myself..... my head isn't all up in the clouds talking about we need to watch our language when all you do is cause dissension..... oh and the next time you see me do me a favor and act like you dont.... cause i dont want a fake ass hug or a fake ass how are you or anything else from you...... bitch.
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moved out... no internet... drama
Thursday. 9.21.06 7:17 pm
k so lots has happened that i havent been able to write about because my home computer cxrashed so har you would have thought it ran into a brick wall.... and wel.. crazy drama..... had a party at my house last week.... someone got jumped, bleach was poured in my fish tank, pumpkins tossed over my fence into my neighbor's yard.... my stereo was found outside.....in the sprinkler..... and well bottles everywhere...... including blood on my car from when that person got jumped.... needless to say no more parties for me.... ever again....!!!!!! and now i have top catch up on tons of arch homework.... I have this stupid guy at work playing kid games.... morning after pill..... birth control..... being interupted...... and then i might be with this guy....but im unsure.....welp till next time
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Monday. 9.11.06 4:37 pm
did you know that some girl got raped yesterday..... did you know that a drunk driver killed someone last night..... did you know that a 15 year old girl got pregnant last week..... did you know that millions of babies die every year in abortions.... did you know that life happens... no im not saying forget that 9-11 happened.... and no im not saying to not grieve.... or to use this day to remind us to look at the security of our country..... all im saying is life happens...... so dont sit there and tell me that im a jerk just because im not wearing the country's colors or being all hysterical..... like you..... I just understand that life happens.... and its going to happen all the time..... you never know when your last day or minute is so why dont you stop complaining about how others are supposed to make life safer and better for us and start appreciating the stuff you've got know...... celebrate life today...... something i learned from mexican culture..... did you know that every year they celebrate what is called the day of the dead..... do you know what they do..... they dont have a pity party and they dont wear all black and look like death scares them..... they cook.... they eat... they set food by the graves of their loved ones and they celebrate life.... they way they lived when they were alive... they time the got with them and how they are thankful they got it..... they dont go around being mad about how they were taken too soon or in the wrong way..... and they dont sit there and point blame..... they are just thankful for what theyve got..... dont get me wrong im not saying that mourning is bad..... im just saying if ALL you do is complain.... shut up and appreciate what you do have....
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Sunday. 9.10.06 5:25 pm
I really wanted to hit someone at church today....... k I drove down to vallejo to see my best friend and to give another friend her birthday gift.... and well i found out that the leaders of this um...internship type thing...... that my best friend is in told her that she couldnt see me because she wasnt spiritually strong enough yet...... ugh...... i fucking hate people that try to control every aspect of another person's life..... and welll the bitch that told her that went up and tried to give me a hug today and all i kept thinking was dont smile in my face and stab me in the back you dumb ass bitch...... and i hella just wanted to mob on her...... but i didn't .... I held myself back cause i didnt want to cause a scene..... anyway I am at a friends house down here in vallejo about to head back up to sac where i will continue to commense homework for the week..... UGH!!!
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Thursday. 9.7.06 1:22 am
so today was definately the craziest day of my life.....without a doubt...... I went to planned parenthood to take this 15 year old girl (j) there cause she is pregnant...... yeah we found that out last night when she took an ept and it came out positive...... ok and then i found out that rick... yeah youk now that 24 year old that was hella trying to be with me.... well he fucked (j)...... kay shes 15 and he's 24 and thats so fucking disgusting.... so i text him and was like " yea im lose my number, i dont converse with people that fuck 15 yr old little girls" and he hasn't responded so i hope he got the point..... yup and then while i was at planned parenthood with (j) i got a phone call from someone i hooked my cousin up wit so they could do business an di guess my cousin decided to rip him off and well this guy calls me threatening me because shit went bad.... and i totally dont even know what happened.... o and i found out i have two weeks till my parents move across town, so i either move with them..... or find a roommate....... sigh...... i just need to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow......
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I have lost all desire....
Tuesday. 9.5.06 1:17 am
to try to stay afloat.... try to stay right.... whats the point
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